Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
2020 sucks, I want a refund
Randomize
