I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
