what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
