i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Randomize
