hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Randomize
