It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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