it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
Send help, water and tortillas.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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