there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
Randomize
