i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
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