Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize
