Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
try to milk me bitch
Randomize
