There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
Randomize
