I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
I DEMAND FORESKIN
Randomize