problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
Randomize
