I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
You had me at "let me see your balls"
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
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