The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
nutella sex= disaster
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
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