ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
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