sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
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