yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
So I just went to clothing optional bar
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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