And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
Randomize
