My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
I touched a dick in church today
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
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