He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
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