I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
Randomize
