Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
