I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
