Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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