Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
I think weed is turning my hair brown
These 25 People Forgave their Significant Others for Saying Stupid Things
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it