I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.