end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
whose ass print is on the piano?
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
