Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
Randomize
