Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
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