I wish I could punch you in the face.
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
