Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
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