So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
Randomize
