Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
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