she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize
