dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
Randomize
