you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
Randomize
