Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
Randomize
