What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize
