I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
Randomize
