Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
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