All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
Randomize
