Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
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