...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
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