based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize
