It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
