420 ftw
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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