I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
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