I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Randomize
