i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
okay pat passed out under dana's car
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
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