Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
Randomize
