I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
Randomize
