we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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