just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
Randomize
