....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize
