Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
I think im going to throw up on grandma
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
Randomize
