How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
Randomize
