i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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