I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
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