my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
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