the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
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