I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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